A tantric approach

to tantrums

Most parents quickly learn that the best way to deal with a child’s tantrums is to remain calm.

Don’t challenge what the child is doing or engage in a power struggle. Gently acknowledge the child’s feelings without giving in to them. Then change your focus — and your child’s — onto something other than what led to the tantrum.

Many people seem to forget this when confronted with attention-seeking tantrums by adults.

Often, such tantrums are less about their stated objective and more about simply demanding attention by doing something they know will agitate and irritate others.

Tantrums by adults aren’t just kicking and screaming on the floor. They come in many forms, from flag burnings and protests by Westboro Baptist Church to events like the so-called Black Mass this week in Topeka.

They’re staged not because those involved really want to destroy America, become ruled by hate, or turn to Satanism. They’re staged to get attention. The more we fret and fume about them, the more successful they become.

One of the first things new journalists learn is that nearly all protests are staged.

Go to one with a camera and you’ll see fever-pitched yelling, screaming, and sign-waving. Return a few minutes later as someone other than a media representative, and the protesters have soporifically dispersed or are quietly enjoying a picnic lunch.

What you see on TV — often from inexperienced reporters hired more for their looks than their brains — typically exaggerates protests.

Whether it’s a flag-burning, Westboro protest, or a Black Mass, a handful of people are so magnified on the screen that it seems there’s a real challenge, not just a stirring up for the sake of stirring up.

What demonstrators say they want typically is something that will make other’s blood boil. But instead of doing what they want and letting simmering concerns show, simply tell them you don’t agree with what they’re saying but absolutely support their right to say it.

Arranging counter-protests, praying, or bombarding social media echo chambers with condemnations merely add oxygen to the fire.

If you want the fire to quietly flicker out, take away its air by accepting the protesters’ right to have an opinion with which you fundamentally disagree.

In other words, play the freedom and democracy card.

Free expression isn’t about guaranteeing people have a right to agree with you. It’s about guaranteeing that you and they have a right to vigorously disagree.

It’s also somewhat Biblical. The best way to diffuse a situation often is by turning the other cheek. That isn’t simply acceptance. It merely means you have the good sense not to allow things to escalate.

Don’t let dummies who seek opposition to fuel their cause outsmart you by falling victim to what in reality is little more than aggressive name-calling.

Be proud that American and religious values allow for dissenting views, then avail yourself of the opportunity those values provide for ignorant views to fade away and be replaced without need for confrontation.

— ERIC MEYER